You came on your own, and that's how you leave, with hope in your hands and air to breathe

Well it's time for my yearly blog entry. As many of you already know: I passed my exams for the first time without failing any. Thus keeping my hopes up for a study-free holiday. Now, I just have to prove it wasn't a coincidence. I also experienced the best motivation by visiting my old job place right before the exams. That has given me strength in believing this is indeed the best choice I made. Nothing more fulfilling than seeing people being stuck on their desks for 8 hours a day under the tyranny of a boss "who means the best for his employees" and who does everything "from the goodness of his heart". Strange how these two things always seem to correlate with monetary benefits in his favor. For those of you who recognize themselves, I will be joining you anyway soon. Just let me enjoy my 4 hours a day of courses (tiring), discussing psych-subjects in the uni-bar ( women and sex) and believing I know how the world works (that's what you do as an 20-year old). To prove I am so busy: on an average I am reading 1 novel every two weeks.

I know life isn't always easy and we had to sacrifice a lot for my studies but despite my own efforts there is someone who even deserves more credit when I graduate and that's Ingrid. She is not only my motivation to strive for perfection but she has endured everything and is giving up a lot herself when it is not even requested. She has offered me a chance to fulfill a dream and is still the only reason why I am able to do what I am doing. There is not a day I don't realize how everything is because of her. I know I will never be able to thank her for this chance but I will try for the rest of my life. She knows how I feel but sometimes you just need to write it down. ( I could say this was written under duress to make it funny and be myself but for once I am going to let it go).

Stop me if you think that you've heard this all before

Longest time between posts. I have been slack. Not busy, not overrun with other engagements, not working long hours, not studying too hard. Just slack, down and stuck in a hole desperately trying to dig myself out of.

I don't know when it started - probably around 6 months ago (along with the onset of winter I imagine), but I am not liking 'where I am at' at this particular moment.

I have officially started an MSc. externally while still working which has been quite stimulating (two people studying in one household generates some interesting conversation, discussions and encouragement). Have almost finished my first assignment and am already ploughing onto the 2nd. So, I am absolutely convinced I made the right choice to return to study. You reap what you sow, right?

Work couldn't really be too much better. My absolute best friends in Belgium are my colleagues (which can be a pro, but also a huge con), my direct HOD is a true champion - so smart, professional (yet capable of many a dirty conversation) and not at all arrogant. My big boss, despite being a pathologist, does his absolute best to be a good boss, and I think a very reasonable one. I voiced my opinion about a few things today (quite colourfully too) and he is always keen to hear constructive criticism. He is even depositing a bonus into our bank accounts next week which for me is fantastic (despite hearing some people still complain that it wont be enough...).

Am very happy at home. Madly in love with the child I am going to marry. I still laugh every day, even if out of pity... but am unbelievably lucky in my relationship.

So why am I down? The only answer I can come up with is that somehow, in the past 6 months, my idealistic expectations to 'life' are not being lived up to. I have once again jeopardised my friendship with one person, and fear that it may be for the last time. But, I will take on board something she said to me, and attempt to use it to my advantage: Those people who work hard will not go unnoticed - they will be rewarded in one way or other.

I hope to be happier soon.